The Man with the Giant's Toenail Shield.
A short story
Model painted and story written in 2026
The man’s tale
Interview taken in a dive bar, a woman sits opposite a man, both nursing drinks.
”I’m not sorry, you know.”
“Really ?”
“No, well, it’s not like I killed him, is it ?”
“He has a name you know.”
“Does he ?”
”yes, it’s, in your language, something like “Heavy Stepper”…..”
“So, do you think that naming him will make me feel bad ?”
“But you took his toe ?”
“Well, yes, but I was told it’d help.”
“Help how ?”
“It’d offer magical properties”
“Who the hell told you this ?”
“Well, that’s a story in itself…..”
“Just the short version will do.”
“Well, I went to get some advice before going off on my travels.”
“Again, who from ?”
“The village wise woman.”
“You mean the local witch ?”
”Don’t be horrible, she’s not even old….. or warty….. she’s pretty decent looking actually.”
“Still a witch though. So what did she have to say then ?”
“Well, basically, she said that there’d be danger along the way, and I’d need some sort of protection.”
“And that ran to cutting off someone’s big toe did it ?”
“When you put it like that, it does sound a little extreme.”
“Just a bit, but why him ?”
“She suggested that his might hold some magical qualities.”
“Was she specific ?”
“Oh you know, the usual, good fortune, protection, a shelter from bad weather.”
“With the size of it, that last could just be a case of holding it above your head.”
“Admittedly, that’s true, but she was right, it did the other two things as well.”
“So you cut his toe off without provocation, and then what ?”
“Well, it needed drying, and the nail separating from the rest of it, and some handles fastening on. I thought about getting the blacksmith to add a metal edge, but because the bottom of it wouldn’t stop bleeding, he said it wouldn’t be possible.”
“It wouldn’t stop bleeding ?””
“Nope, even to this day it dribbles.”
“So you really only wanted the toenail ?”
“Um, yes, to be honest. But I couldn’t think of any other way to get it.”
“Hitting him hard and waiting til it dropped off maybe ?”
“Well that’d take months. I needed to go then….. And how would I find it ?”
“OK, it was just a thought. You know he’s struggling walking now ?”
“Why’s he struggling walking ?”
“Well, the big toe is used for a lot of your balance, and without the one on his right foot, well, he’s not quite as agile as he was. You know, to catch food and escape from nasty, small-minded adventurers.”
“Hey, I’m not the bad guy here !”
“How so ?”
“Well, he attacked me for a start.”
“Yes, but you were in his home, well his cave, which I guess is his home, so you were kind of intruding……Unless you’d knocked on the door or been invited…..”
“There wasn’t any door to knock on, and it wasn’t a cave as such, just a really big valley with a roof.”
“So a big cave then. Not like he’d make a home in something that would be suitable for a mouse ?”
“OK, so ?”
“So he had a right to maybe be a bit put out at you being there ?”
“Yes, but he tried to stomp on me. No warning, no “what’re you doing here !” just straight, full-on attack !”
“Point taken, Giant’s don’t offer a heartfelt welcome.”
“Oh it was fecking heartfelt alright. Full on heartfelt let me tell you.”
“So, he tried to “stomp” you ?”
“Yes, between that and trying to knock me for six with half a tree. I didn’t know if I was a bug or a golf ball.”
“Did he actually hit you ?”
“Well…..no, not as such.”
“Not as such” ?”
“OK, not at all. I dodged the swing of the tree, ducked out of the way of his stomp, and as his foot came down, took a swing with my axe at his big toe.”
“As single swing ?”
“So I had to follow him around a bit, he was jumping up and down and screaming a lot. The first strike didn’t quite do the job. Neither did the second….. or third for that matter. But the fourth one got the deed done.
“By which time ?”
“Um, I think he’d banged his head on something and was at that point kind of out of it.”
“So the question of why you wanted the toenail still remains.”
“Well, it’s big enough to work as a shield, as I say, the blacksmith managed to put straps on it so I could slip my arm through one and use the other as a handle.. He did a longer belt so that I could slip the shield over my shoulder and carry it on my back. Good eh ?”
“And….?”
“Then I went on my travels, I had a map.”
“A map ?”
“OK, not really a map, but an old tinker had been through before the winter set in and he mentioned some lost treasure.”
“Oh, the old “Lost Treasure” tale, eh ?”
“Yes, you can mock, but it sounded pretty convincing.”
“Magic beans, a golden egg, or goose that lays them…. Not exactly rare these stories.”
“Like I say, he seemed to be a bit more convincing.”
“So, map in hand you set off, did you ?”
“Um, there wasn’t a map as such, just hazy sort of directions and a few landmarks to look out for.”
“Misty mountain, shadowy finger at dawn, the end of the rainbow perhaps ?”
“Nope, none of those, but I did start believing even more when the landmarks began to appear one after the other.”
“So you found this hidden treasure then ?”
“Not just like that, there’s a lot more to tell than just go there, turn left at the what’s-its-name, right at the thingy and take thirty steps north, five east and bingo. It took me a couple of years, you know.”
“So adventuring we must go then?”
“Kind of, if you must know.”
The Giant’s tale
“Nasty stumpy Uman, took my toe. Still Urts.”
“Yes, yes, but start from the beginning please.”
“But it Urts, it do.”
“I’m sure it does, but I’d like to hear your side of the tale.”
“Sitting at Ome, comfee like, and cooking an elk. Good eating on one of dem.”
“Right, so meal-time and not bothering anyone, barring the elk.”
“Elk was old, him not run fast no more., threw rock, killt ‘im quick.”
“Right, so, you killed him, took him back, dressed the carcase and spitted the cuts of meat to roast them over a nice big fire ?”
“Um, what is dressed ? ‘im not need clothes, ‘im got fur coat. “
“OK, so you ate it raw ?”
“No silly ‘uman, me not savage. Stuck sapling through it and hung it over fire.”
“OK, so, dinner being cooked, minding your own business, and then what ?”
“Hear ‘uman creeping into ‘ome, nasty looking bod, with an axe. Always want to ‘urt us or kill us, Me done nothing wrong !”
“And what, you attacked him ?”
“No, no, no. I ask ‘im to go. Not want ‘im in my ‘ome. Just go, run away little ‘uman.”
“But he didn’t, did he ?”
“No, kept commin’. Waving that axe and shouting fings.”
“So what did you do then ?”
”Not much I could do, I backed away, but no way out except past ‘im.”
“So he had you cornered, trapped ?”
“Um, yes, me trapped.”
“So ?”
“Had to try to get away, picked up tree stump, and tried to run past ‘im.”
“But ‘im jumped in me way.”
“So you attacked him ?”
”No, not really. Me couldn’t stop, me running fast. “
“What happened ?”
“Me tried to knock ‘im outta me way with tree, but ‘im ducked unner it. “Nearly stood on ‘im then. Couldn’t’ stop !”
“And that’s when he swung his axe at your foot ?”
”Um, yes. Hurt lots, made me fall down.”
“Did you get up ?”
“Tried to, but ‘im swung axe again, I yelled loud and bang me head on rock. Lights went out.”
“And he went to work on your toe with the axe then ?”
”Must’ve. Me woke up, blood all over, no big toe.”
“What did you do then ?”
“Cried. Cried a lot. It real hurt.”
“Did you chase after the man.”
“No. Lady, I can hardly walk now. No chasing for me for a long time.”
“How have you coped since ?”
”What is cope ?”
“How have you lived since this happened ?”
“I not go out much, just hunt goats and throw rocks at them, caught a couple, but very hungry.”
“Has anyone looked at the injury for you ?”
“No, me bandage and wash it. Put some herbs and honey on it. It healing a bit now, not bleed no more.”
“What will you do now then.”
“Once toe heals, hunt man and stomp ‘im, get toe back.”
The Man continues his tale
“So did you find a lot of treasure ?”
“No, not really.”
“A lot of money for being a mercenary.”
“Nope, hardly any, it’s lucky I survived. Sometimes the paymaster’s would get killed or kidnapped, so we got nothing at all in cases like that.
“Careless of you, to let that happen.”
“Life is what it is.”
“Another round then, I’ll get these…… Again.”
“She returns from the bar.”
“It’s good this stuff.”
“Yes, not exactly cheap though.”
“So nothing in the way of interesting stories, tales to tell, nothing worth me noting down ?”
“A hard life, too much snow in the winter, too much sun in the summer, not enough food whatever the season.”
“At least tell me you brought some baubles back, something to give you a comfortable way of living ?”
“A small amount of coin, a few bits of jewellery – mainly rings taken off the dead, and not much more. “
“So what will you do now ?”
“I don’t know, but I’ll have to find something I guess.”
“Well, drink up, I’ll stay with you to finish this drink, then I’ll go home.”
“If you think of anything interesting that happened, be sure to let me know. People would just love to hear it, I’m sure.”
“The man looks drowsy after a short while, his eyes fighting to stay open whilst the woman watches contently.”
“Gradually he crosses his arms on the table and lowers his head onto them. The woman gives it a couple of minutes and then moves onto the bench next to him, as though comforting him…. Or something perhaps more intimate.”
“After a few moments though, she pulls away, as though disgusted at the man for falling asleep.”
“She exits the bar and walks off into the night.”
Back in the Giant's cave.
“So you left ‘im there, just like that ? asks Heavy Stepper.
“Well, I’m not going to stay and find out what happened next, am I ?”
“But someone might recognise you as having been sitting with ‘im”
“Not likely, I don’t go into that village often, and certainly not into bars of that ilk.”
In the bar
“OK folks, time for home” shout’s the barkeep.
There’s the sound of people finishing drinks, the clatter of earthenware cups and tankards being gathered, and the low rumble of “goodnight’s” being offered.
One man doesn’t move though, head propped on arms, he’s probably had too much thinks the barkeep as he approaches and puts his hand out to shake the man’s shoulder.
“Come on mate, time to go home”
The body tilts on the stool and with a loud clatter, hits the floor.
“Oh !” exclaims the barkeep.
“What’s all this ?! says the watchman, entering for a last drink while the bar is cleaned for the night.
“Um, this one’s not moving, I think he’s dead.”
Back with the Giant
“OK, well, fank you for doing vis, I guess he won’t be taking any more toes from people.”
“I’m thinking it was my pleasure, he was a bastard, and a useless one at that.”
“One less won’t make much difference though, will it ?”
“Possibly not, but as a parting gift from him, here’s something you lost.”
She puts the shrivelled giant’s toe on the table.
“Oh, you got it !”
“Yes, but not the nail, that was too big and obvious for me to lift.”
Meanwhile the giant has picked up the shrivelled piece of flesh and bone and put it near his foot. There was no flash of light, no sparkling magic flashes, just a slight groan from him, and the miniscule movement of flesh knitting together and the toe swelling to it’s normal size.
"I can manage without a nail, though it might grow back too 'ventually."
Why a short story ?
So why a short story, rather than a painting article ?
Simply because there’s not a lot to tell about the painting of this piece, it’s a study in various brown’s and that’d get a bit boring.
As for the shield, well I trapped my thumb in my car door – really dumb and it really hurt – and the nail eventually fell off.
The little barbarian figure is from the old Raul Latorre range, it’s about 40mm tall and is beautifully sculpted.
The pose fits perfectly with him holding a shield in his right hand – he’s obviously left handed – and the thumbnail and figure just kind of fitted together.
The story seemed to flow from that – it happens more often than you’d think, although this is the first time I’ve posted up such a thing.
It’s just a bit of fun, although using an actual body part might make you go “ick” a little…… But then again, we do say we put a little bit of ourselves into each piece we make….. OK, maybe not an actual piece.
So, I hope you enjoyed the story, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll do another story sometime about a different piece.
I really could do with a giant to finish this off, there is one on the bench, but it might take a while.